Say it ain't so, Bono

Bono's charity is—a fraud???

From The Vile Plutocrat:

Bono's anti-poverty foundation ONE is scrambling to explain its finances and business practices after it was revealed that only a very small percentage of money it raises reaches the poor. Established by the aging U2 frontman in 2004, ONE collected nearly £9.6 million ($12,881,191) in donations in 2008 but gave only £118,000 ($158,310) to charitable causes (1.2 per cent). According to the New York Post, figures show that £5.1million ($6,842,229) went towards paying salaries.

I will never (sniffle) believe in anything again...

He's Got the Whole World (In His Hands)

In Turkey last night, Bono's two-fisting his girlie-drinks, but why shouldn't he? Brokering world peace is heavy business, my friend, and a bloke is liable to work up a thirst. The ipod he presented to the Turkish president during his private audience (well, private except for the photographers) undoubtedly, um, accomplished something, you know, great...Cuz that's what Bono does—it's his calling card. His schtick. Greatness, I mean.

Later, the affable and charismatic Megastar and his entourage (aka, U2) was seen trekking cross the Bosphorus bridge, which connects Europe to Asia, therefore spanning continents. This is symbolically important because Bono spans stuff, too. (Like differences. Like human souls, man.)

At some point on the journey, Bono was overcome by a thought, the purity of which regular Joes like me can only imagine. He was loaded into a limo that was lurking coincidentally nearby, and deposited into the lobby of the Four Seasons, where for the last 12 hours he's been gazing into the distance, memorialized by the several dozen photographers gathered at his feet. What heavy, heavy thoughts they must be—undoubtedly, they will be translated into the usual generic, muddled metaphors, and bland, forgettable melodies which have linked us together for what seems like a hundred years now (though in reality it's only been 19—how can this be?).

As you can see from the photo below, he's still at it. Thinking. Thinking for you and me. Thinking for you and me and a better tomorrow. Thinking for you and me and a better tomorrow filled with U2 songs and probably a dozen more grammys. Don't know about you, but I'm glad he's on our side (he is on our side, isn't he?). No—no, of course not—there are no sides—don't tell Bono I said that there were sides—no, there's only us, man. And Bono. And the rock and roll media. And a whole lotta love.

You don't have to put up a fight
You don't have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches
For you tonight

You do that, brother. The idea that you're out there taking punches fills me with great peace.